Don't Panic!!!

Although it wasn't planned this way, the increasing theme of this sabbatical seems to be around the area of trusting God. I guess the whole theology of sabbath and sabbatical is fundamentally an issue of faith and trust. Right at the foundation of the world we are set an example of sabbath - of rest - by God himself as though He wanted us to know right from the beginning that non-stop frantic activity is not how God wants us to be or how He wants us to live.

Im not good at stopping and being still, not good at resting and so perhaps my faith and trust levels are not as high as I would like them to be. Its as though frantic activity, the need to be doing doing doing says to ourselves, to others, and ultimately to God that we are indispensable, He cannot do with out our doing. I remember a wise college lecturer saying to us that a day off was an act of faith - a statement that even when we are not exerting energy the world will not stop turning, for it is Gods work anyway not ours.

I think of all the people I have worked with who thought time off was almost a sin, a sign of neglect of God's work, rather than a statement of faith that says there is One bigger, greater and more able than I.

I write all this in the context of a week for us that has been full-on with frantic activity. I am due to fly to Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea in a matter of hours (writing this from an airport cafe) and although we had planned to have all our preparation done well in advance to enable us, maybe naively, to have a relaxed family week, we have been rushing from pillar to post to get VISA's sorted, borrow all sorts of things from friends, pack, re-pack, buy last minute essentials, collect items that need to be taken to missionaries stationed in PNG and etc etc. This has hardly been a week of rest and relaxation. I would love to tell you how I have quietly trusted God all along and rested in His peace amidst the various upheavals! Nothing could be further from the trust, as I have panicked, panicked, panicked!

I'm reminded of Corporal Jones in the sitcom 'Dads Army' whose catchphrase of 'Don't panic' was almost always accompanied with frantic activity as he, yes panicked!

So to return to the beginning, this sabbatical is increasingly about learning to trust God when the plans I make seem to take another direction, to remember that I am dispensable and that He is big, is great and is Eternal. In the context of ministry, I need to learn that God is ultimately in control, and ultimately He is responsible for the outcome of His work. My task is to be regularly available, willing and faithful, and to have enough faith not to try to grasp the outcome for myself but to trust Him in all things.
 

Awe-some architecture

Last week was mainly spent with my lovely wife being tourists in Barcelona. Its somewhere we'd always wanted to visit and a sabbatical was the perfect excuse to farm the kids off to the in-laws and hop-it overseas for the first time together.

There was much about Barcelona to love, the climate, the culture, the art but what will really stick in our memories was the visit to Sagrada Familia - the stunning cathedral, still under construction, designed by Antoni Gaudi. Im not a huge architecture person, I enjoy historic buildings as much as the next person, a beautiful stained glass window may take my eye, but on the whole I'm usually left fairly non-plussed by buildings. The Sagrada Familia was different - I was encouraged to go by friends, but little could prepare me for the incredible awe-inspiring experience of being inside this masterpiece, built intentionally for the glory of God.

Im guilty of cheapening awe. My language and vocabulary regularly describe things or experiences as 'awesome' when they are far from that, often just mundane or ordinary. But this cathedral was different. A description and even pictures don't do it justice, (I've posted some anyway), this was a place that literally took my breath away as I experienced what Gaudi had always hoped and prayed would be the case - a glimpse of the glory of God.

I like space and stillness and this building was crammed with tourists all snapping away, yet still the overwhelming sense of the heaviness of the presence of the Lord was not lost - rarely, if ever, has a building, architecture, imaginative and creative use of light and stone, imagery and craftsmanship drawn me to close to the God of heaven and earth.

So this led me to reflect in the last few days, have we lost a sense of awe and wonder? I was certain that it was the Maker of heaven and earth and cathedrals that I was in awe of, His creation, His creativity, His innovation, His light, His glorious colour, His presence. But I'm surrounded by these things every day, yet I embody little in the way of awe. When we gather for worship there may be reverence, there may be deep-rooted integrity, there may be a longing and hunger for more of the Lord in our lives, but its a while since I was aware of being in awe and wonder at the goodness and glory of God.

So for me the challenge in these next days is to live with an increasing sense of awe and wonder at the glory of God - glimpses of which are all around us. Maybe the church would be a more spectacular place too, if we were able to regain a sense of awe once again when we gather intentionally aware of the presence of the King of all Kings.

Easter Comings and Goings

I spent Holy Week and Easter in and around Bath, the home city of Laura and I. I had always hoped that having a sabbatical over the Easter period would enable me to experience the journey of Holy Week and Easter as a disciple again as having led Holy Week and Easter services for the last 11 years has left me often feeling as if I had 'gone through the motions' somewhat. So I spent time in a variety of church settings, morning prayer at Bath Abbey, time with All Saints, Weston, - a church we used to attend in our younger days - and the long walk of witness from Oldfield Park to Twerton Roundhill (see picture below), with all of them being opportunities to receive.

Perhaps though the most significant moment for me was during the Easter service at All Saints where a non-stipendary minister was sharing feedback from his own sabbatical. He shared that prior to his sabbatical he felt like he '...didn't know whether he was "coming or going"...' due to the combined pressures of his employment and his ministry. He went on to share that what he had realised was that ministry, indeed discipleship, is all about 'coming and going'. The contrast of coming to God for refreshment and renewal and being sent to 'go' to serve, witness and minister.

Im still pondering the significance of this idea for me and my own discipleship and ministry, but I do have a sense that it was a word from God for me to mull over. As I was reflecting and sharing a bit of this with someone this week they shared the observation that the Easter narratives are full of this contrast of coming and going. Jesus comes to Jerusalem, heads into the temple and then goes again. The disciples come to Jesus for the last meal, they go in fear at his arrest. Jesus' followers and friends come to the cross and go away in sadness in mourning. The same followers come to the tomb in sadness and grief and go sharing news of great joy. The same person I was speaking with went on to suggest that the tension of coming and going was also present within me - and I think they are right. I have the desire to come to God to find refreshment for my body and soul, to drink from the fountain  but equally it seems that often I would do anything to find a way of avoiding this, as though Im running away from the source of healing and strength that I need.

In the next few days Im going to try and balance these two aspects of discipleship which are complimentary. I hope to spend time drawing near to God, but conscious that any drawing near is about me being changed, filled, resourced for the going into the world that God calls each of us to.

An Irish Blessing

Last week I was due to take a tour of the Methodist Church in Ireland with a group called Inspire. (Inspire are about encouraging a missional discipleship based primarily around small group accountability groups that spur people on to enjoying a greater sense of the life of God. You can find out more about them here.) The tour was cancelled but due to a number of arrangements already in place I still went to spend some time in Ireland with the Methodist Church there.

For me it was a great privilege and a real joy to be with them. I was hosted by Methodist Ministers and their families who kindly transported, fed and watered someone they hadn't  met before, who essentially was on a glorified holiday. The welcome and warmth of the people was remarkable - this is something that, in my experience, seems to transcend the whole of the island of Ireland and is embedded in the culture, but was especially focussed in the life of the church. 

Hospitality & welcome is something thats been high on my agenda for a while. It was a large feature of a piece of academic work a couple of years ago, and more recently at my church in Derby where I serve, we have focussed on welcome and hospitality for the last few weeks and talked about its power in evangelism and mission. To be treated so well by people to whom I was a random stranger was a powerful statement of the life of God flowing through these people. 

St Paul in wrapping up His first letter to the Corinthians speaks of a visit of some fellow believers to the church in Corinth. He talks of what they might add to the Corinthians but goes on to say that 

 "...they refreshed my spirit and yours also." 1 Cor 16:18

Although I spent much of last week being a tourist, seeing Derry/Londonderry (including a tour of the infamous Bogside and 'Free Derry') the spectacular Causeway Coastline, Belfast City Centre and a bit of Dublin, what really left an impression with me were the Irish Methodists themselves. I was left with the conviction that the British church has so much to learn from the Irish! There was, across virtually all the Irish Methodists I met a quite trust in God that pervaded everything they were. They very much refreshed my spirit! I was left reflecting on my own ministry and lifestyle and those of others around me. So often we communicate action, busyness, even dynamism and/or charisma, things that are attractive and appealing and, most often, good. But I wonder whether I communicate, a sense of deep resting in God and a humility that realises that I am nothing but for His gracious choice to use me for some reason in His work? I rarely see these attributes in myself and rarely see them in others who are in 'professional ministry'. It pulled me up short and reminded me of the simplicity of ministry - the call to walk humbly before God and see some of His transforming life flow out through me. 

For this week, Im in Bath staying with family, but also trying to make space to humbly walk with the Servant King through this week of all weeks in the hope that once again my spirit might be refreshed and renewed as I gaze in awe and wonder at the Saviour on a cross who is risen again. 

 

Drinking from the Fountain

Last week saw the beginning of my long awaited sabbatical. Im in my ninth year of full-time paid ministry in the Methodist Church and as a gift the church grants us 3months paid leave for rest, reflection and recuperation. After a particularly intense 18months I have been counting down the days until this began, planning, dreaming and longing for a prolonged rest and space to draw breath and reflect on who I am and who God is calling me to be. 

Ive been asking God for a few weeks for 'word' for my sabbatical - an image, a phrase, a scripture verse that I can keep coming back to for renewed focus and purpose in a time where much of the normal structure and rhythm has gone. At our church prayer meeting a few weeks ago, I was humbled as the group of 30 or so faithful saints gathered around me and prayed for me and my family as I embarked on this sabbatical. Two things came to mind during this time - firstly someone shared a picture of a waterfall (I imagine it to be similar to the one pictured) and she prayed that the sabbatical would be a time of standing under the waterfall of God's refreshing and renewing love. Secondly, I was reminded (probably connected in my subconscious) of the verse from the Psalms

'For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.' (Ps 36:9).

 I think these two images are a reminder for me and others that the source of all things good, the source of joy, the source of hope, the source of peace, indeed the source of anything that gives life is God Himself. He is the One from whom life and goodness emanate. Ironically, this is something I so often forget as I plod the path of daily discipleship let alone seek to exercise ministry in His Name. It leads me to ponder what life and ministry might really look like if I was better at drawing deep from the one who is called the 'fountain of life' and allow His love and grace to flow through me rather than trying to do do do in my own strength.

So my hope and prayer for the next few months is that I will learn to draw close and to drink deep from the fountain of life. The One who is the source of anything and everything good so that my soul and indeed every part of my being, is refreshed and restored in the bounty of His love. 

For me, one place where I am able to sense God close, a thin place some may call it, is by the sea. Im so grateful to a generous church member who gifted me his beachside apartment for a week contemplating the view below. 

So I pray that whether you are experiencing a time of rest, or whether you are in the midst of an incredibly hectic season, you too will know the closeness of the One who is called the Fountain of Life - the One who is the source of refreshment and renewal, the One who gives life to all who thirst for it. 

Slowing down for silence

I love coffee! I wouldn't consider myself an expert or even a connoisseur, but there is little I love as much as popping into the local Starbucks for a daily or hourly refill. In fact, in reviewing the budget at our church in Derby, we noted that in the first twelve months of my appointment there, the church coffee spend had doubled! (although Im not solely responsible for this!!). 

Now far be it from me to lecture people on their lifestyle habits - no more than ten minutes in my presence would tell any new acquaintances that there were many areas of my life that need correcting and straightening out - but after a short time off sick with flu, I've inadvertently cut down on my caffeine intake quite severely. The results of this are quite interesting. 

On the positive side I feel much more calmer. Ive noticed that Im more attentive to other people, I'm more patient with my two young children, I have less of a compulsion to fiddle with my phone or other device when I'm less active. 

However, I notice that Im also less effective in some ways. The last 18 months of life have been a something of a whirlwind. Im in a demanding job, with a young family, and I've prided myself on my abilities to be on the ball, on top of a mountain of varying issues and now I can sense that my intensity is waning somewhat, my frantic (even manic) space has slowed and it seems I'm less productive.  

I'm wondering whether the reality is that now I've virtually withdrawn a drug from my diet and routine, I'm just learning to function at a normal, more healthy level. Im wondering whether not being on top of everything, not being such a perfectionist is actually closer to real authentic humanity, and closer to the person Im meant to be.  Im wondering too, whether even though I'm less productive, I may just be that more effective. Taking time to think and reflect and make good decisions, make timely pastoral interventions, sensitive to the needs of those around me, increasing the depth of that which I offer to others are all by products of a life less frantic and more calm. 

As a Church Leader, I'm really concerned by the frantic pace of life for so many people. Im concerned that the Church colludes with this subtly (or not so subtly at times) and as an institution becomes even more demanding of people's time and energy. Someone once said to me that any institution is  by its very nature psychopathic - in that it consumes all that it needs to survive. As I continue to serve in an increasingly dysfunctional institution known as the Methodist Church - I see this analysis coming true before my very eyes, and true within my own life too. 

 Of course, when you remove something from a life, people ask what is to replace it. For me, I've tried to replace caffeine fuelled manic activity with a greater appreciation for the discipline of silence. Ive committed myself in this new year to making time to be still and silent for 15 minutes a day, as much as I can to try and drink in the wonder, the love, the majesty of who God is and what He wants for me and those around me. There's something about silence and stillness that centres oneself and brings us to an awareness of the presence of the Other like nothing else. My spiritual 'home' is in the charismatic tradition, where lots of loud activity is so often the order of the day, but just as the charismatic tradition seeks to hear the revelatory voice of God for todays church and world, so to does the more contemplative modes also. 

Maybe for someone reading this, the time may have come to set aside things which we think are propping us up, but actually are just perpetuating the problem (like an over-reliance on caffeine) and maybe you too, want to join me in the discipline (and it can often be a hard discipline) of slowing down to be still and know who God is, and therefore, see more clearly who we are. 

I'm reading through Judges at the minute for my daily (or occasional - depending on mood, discipline, distractions, business etc) devotions. I'm reading without commentary or explanatory notes, just pausing when something strikes me.

Today I read Judges Chapter 17 and paused on v.6 'in those days Israel had no king; everyone did as they saw fit.' 

Now Chapter 17 of Judges is a curious chapter. After the narratives about the exploits of Samson and before him various characters, there is a stand alone story about a man called Micah. He appears to hold no leadership function in Israel, he's not a judge or King, just some random bloke who thinks that by paying for some ministry he will live in health and happiness. (v.10-13) 

I'm struck by the sense that all too often in my experience God's people continue to operate in a worryingly similar way. A faith that, on the surface at least, can often be expressed in a quasi-superstitious way where quid pro quo trumps the concept of faith believing in extravagant grace. All too often I've heard people justify their 'faith' in terms of how much money they have given to the church, or those who see the favour of God present, or future hope, as a reward for church attendance, faithful service or other good works. Surely such an outlook is at best faith mixed with superstition (I.e unless I do 'x' why will happen etc) or at worst heresy. 

For me, the clue to Micah's curious outlook on faith/life is found in the afore-mentioned verse 6. 

'In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as they saw fit.'

Without godly leadership to gently guide or steer God's people it is so easy to miss the mark and wander astray. Good leadership is never oppressive, manipulative or domineering, but it does set a path for people to follow and calls them to maintain on a straightish road of discipleship in the midst of distractions and challenges. In my own UK Methodist tradition, we are increasingly re-discovering that one of the roles of the ordained person is to lead. There are many ways of expressing godly leadership, but it's vital to understand that the absence of leadership only leads to calamity, however naively it was pursued, or innocently it was embarked upon. 

'Good leadership is never oppressive, manipulative or domineering...'

To lead well, then may not be all about 'success' as the modern church all to often views, with pass/fail criteria largely based upon the building of bigger churches, but the test of leading well is surely to assess, what is passed on to others, an authentic Gospel secure in faith/grace partnership or a deviation from the wonderful story of God's grace which is always to sell people short of all that is on offer